My remembrances from Nayagarh to Markendeswar Sahi

Most of my childhood’s holiday destination was Hari Mamu’s house. If my parents had some arguments in the weekends one of the options my mother very frequently adopted was t o take me to Hari Mamu’s place. Very often this tempest departure from home by Bou was accompanied by my father’s presence at Hari Mamu’s house . Usually, their quixotic and queer fight remained for a short duration; by the time we used to come back home from Hari Mamu’s house, none could feel the semblance of the storm in the teacup two hours earlier.  However, these queer family fights of parents, by the sheer my luck, provided me opportunities to spend times with Hari Mamu. I had the good fortunes of spending several weekends with Mamu and other family-members during my childhood in Nayagarh. Both Bou and Bapa were Hari Mamu’s colleagues and were very close family friends. I had heard several stories from my father about how Kabana (Hari Mamu) brought in my parents’ marriage and arranged their wedding.  Many childhood memories of bonding and warmth with Mamun and his Family have remained etched in my memories and consciousness all through these years. Even though space and space have thrown our life part and there were very few occasions of personal connect, I always feel connected to him and entire family emotionally till date when I am about to step in to the 50^th spring of my life.   

Persona that I admire: Mamun was always a charming, handsome, smart, creative, confident versatile person. He was an institution in himself; a very popular teacher, poet, lyricist, dramatist, good orator, play-director and over and above, a family person.  His persona compelled many to admire him as a person; I was not an exception either! I remember his simple words, thoughts, actions, the way he used to carry himself, his perception towards life and constructive engagement in writings, music, play direction, sports, etc., His life-canvas was so varied , so satarangi, it was quite obvious that it was so different and unique. He was ever a free thinker and many years ahead of his age. I heard about his heavenly aboard while I am far away now in Juba South Sudan, with a specific official work.  My solitude here hastened  a flash back of so many memories with him.

Memories: In my childhood, I grew up singing patriotic songs, bhajans written and composed by him for several competitions organized in Nayagarh district around Independence and Republic Days. Those events brought me many laurels that made me feel good as a child and I cherished them for long time.  It was a regular feature of having some time together, singing songs, listening to his poetry, having good food, playing, chatting, listening to his life experiences, etc. Unfortunately, many of them have faded out in the sands of time.

In childhood Nayagarh College sports days, Annual day functions, picnics, get-togethers were opportunities to meet parent’s friends and colleagues. Those times I have seen his engagement with pupils for song, play practice and giving directions, etc. If I remember correctly, he was always leading the cultural program in Nayagarh College. It was fun for us all children to watch the college teachers seating in the front row and in between, peeped into the dressing room to see favorite characters and Mamu’s guidance to them. I had great liking  for all these cultural functions may be, I had an innate interest in music, dance, dramas, etc. I still vividly remember the kabi samilani, I attended in Nayagarh  with Manu, may be at the age of 8. I had written an odia poetry, he did the editing and taught me how to recite it. He  took me to the function in which I was the youngest one.

After leaving Nayagarh I had met him very sparingly. I went with him from Kendrapara to Nayagarh on a vacation trip after my 10-standard exam. Lot of memories of that trip are still fresh,  meeting his literary friends in Cuttack, having good food in Bhubaneswar. Nonetheless, I always feel so connected, loved and blessed whenever I had met him, mayin (maternal aunty), and other members of his family in different phases of life. My husband (Umakant Mishra), Son (Prathamesh) and I could meet him last in March 2023 and took his blessings at his residence in Markendeswar Sahi, Puri. That was my last meeting with Mamu in person. I am so thankful and obliged to him for all love and care he had showered on me and my family throughout my life.

Wishes for his happiness in heaven:  Mamu, you passed off peacefully after a courageous battle with a serious disease like renal failure. I heard from Nuru Bhaina while in the ICU, you with your smiling face prayed God “kandei kandei anithila hasei hasei naba” (you brought me crying and now take me away with a smile on my face). That’s so inspiring. I wish I will embrace my death with a smile like you when it comes. I wish you all the happiness in life after. You deserve the best place in your afterlife-abode and my father must be so happy to have his Kabana with him nearby! Both of you have great time together and rest in peace.  Keep blessing us from where you are! 

I will remember you ever specially while singing one of my most favorite songs, bhajan “Dhali dia sara dharanire Aji tumariasisha Dhara”.

With regards, loads of love,

Simi (Biraja Kabi Satapathy)

 

Mr. Kumar’s Story of Valuing Education

Couple of months back I was going Delhi for an official trip. I had to take the evening flight due to some personal reason. Some technical problem in flight caused further delay and I landed in late evening around 9.45 pm. I had to travel to a boarding place which would have taken almost one hour of my time.  As a female, I always have a fear of traveling alone in a cab late evening that to in a place like Delhi which is considered not to be a safe place. Fear gets mounted when you recall the heinous crimes against women that have happened in the city in recent few years. Preferred yellow black Delhi police cab. My experience till now says for a woman of any age, maturity, exposure, smartness does not count many a time. Traveling alone with an un-known male makes you feel insecure, uneasy, your heart beats faster till you reach your destination. Silence adds extra apprehension.  I cracked the stillness and started talking to the driver, which I mostly do while traveling. Discuss politics, their views on local issues, personal struggle of living in a metropolitan city, how they make to meet both the ends, etc.

Starting of Ride: Google map in my mobile was on and my conversation with the driver started by asking him of his name and his native place. He was Bijaya Kumar (not the real name) from Bihar. A middle-aged man may be of 44 to 46. I asked him how he landed in Delhi, who else are there in family, about children education, how he meets educational expenses in a city like Delhi, wanted to know if he value education in life, etc. Then he narrated his story. Antiquity of more than 30 years of his life in a short ride of around 50 mins.

Dream: Mr. Kumar belong to a remote village of Bihar. When he was young probably completed his matriculation, he met a young man of his village spending a vacation break, who was working in Delhi. Mr. Kumar did not have much interest in study and was helping his father in agriculture. He was fascinated by Delhi returned young man, his smartness, clothes, shoes and the way he was speaking. He said Mr. Kumar that “I am working in a company and earning good”. In most of the poor rural villages when people exiles from aspiration, dream, the young man Mr. Kumar dreamt to go to Delhi for any job opportunity but not agriculture. Mr. Kumar was enthusiastic, if the village senior can help him in getting a job, but it could not be materialized. Finally, he absconded marching towards Delhi without telling his parents, friend back at home.  

Life at Delhi: He narated his entire struggle in Delhi, how he spent endless days with limited food, started pulling trolley,  got a good master and worked in a garage, learnt driving, started driving car, got his own car, now having two extra cars and have kept drivers for running, currently earning good, living happily with his wife and two kids (daughter and son) in Delhi. Story was interesting, engrossing conversation made me forgot that I am traveling alone in late night. 

I was curious to know about his children’s study. If ever he went back to meet his parents. He told once I got bit settled I went to meet parents. They made me marry, choosing my wife as a bride from nearby village. He explained “I have put two of my children in DAV schools”. I asked if your wife has formal education? It was amazing to know that she is a graduate and takes care of children’s study. Both the kids are doing well. He emphasised how education is very important whatever you do in life. You never know giving education opportunity to kids may change the entire life of a person.

A new story of life: Mr.  Kumar mentioned his wife is the eldest of three sisters and two brothers. He then narrated another story of his life. When I was struggling in Delhi to get established my father in law advised me to bring my elder brother in Law to Delhi and engage him in some work. I recommended him, “he is so young studying only in standard eight, we should encourage him studying more”. His brother in law was studious and scored very high in the matriculation (he was not able to recall his percentage). He said “we pursued him studying science and he got through an entrance test to be enrolling for IIT coaching in Kota. I could manage along with my father in law to put him in that coaching institute. The next year he got IIT and now settled in America with a very good Job. The first package he got while in campus was 27 lakhs per annum”.

Life's Contentment: One can feel the happiness, contentment in his face. Contentment of taking a right decision, contentment of supporting someone for pursuing higher education mentally and financially, the serenity of seeing someone struggling and getting established well in life. Similarly, the younger brother in law pursued his education with support from all of us and now doing MBBS (daktari he mentioned) in AIMs Delhi. The stories were so inspiring, I was amazed of hearing them. I asked with lot of curiosity, your father in law is a farmer how he pursued the education of all his kids?  How the children got so much interest in study? Then he revealed my mother in law is a primary school teacher and from the beginning she took care of the study and guided children to pursue higher education.

I recall many of such inspiring stories of people not advantages of their birth to shield from hunger, oppression, humiliation sans the opportunities, the right to study, a quality of life has come out successfully in life with constant motivation by their parents specially mother for pursuing study. Many of them are teachers, academician, engineers, senior bureaucrats, doctors, scientist, almost in all fields. Today when whole India is talking of Vikram Lander of Chandrayana -2, the Space scientist, ISRO Chair Person, Mr. K. Sivan belong to a poor family of a farmer and the first graduate of his family. One of the most respected individuals of our era A P J Abdul Kalam was son of a fisherman.  As one of the fundamental right of every Individual is to dream, to aspire high, opportunity may come on the way.

A pleasant trip came to an end. I did not notice my google map in between. I was so contented talking to Mr. Kumar. I shook hand with him and told I will write a blog on you (told him in the way he will understand).

Happy today for introducing Mr. Kumar’s inspiring story of valuing education.

  

Menarche a unique experience

Long years back when I was a Kid, may be prior to my teens in a chilled winter early morning my mother woke me up and asked to go to WASH room and take a head bath. I was so surprised of her behavior, thought being my mother how can She be so ruthless. Why such punishment? I resent but in vain. As both my parents were working and were placed in different place, in annoyance I told her let my father come this time I will tell him of your brutal behavior towards me. I had no idea what is happening with my body and why I was bleeding. A girl who was over enthusiastic to take her bicycle and rush to attend school every working days was asked to remain at home for 3 days.   I was told, you have grown up now.  I was shocked, how can someone become grown up in a day of difference? This was my menarche experience. I was lucky that my mother was not that strict on taboos in my successive menstruation. Only restraint was of touching God and visit to temples. It was different that how much even I obeyed that taboo 😊

Menstruation which is a natural physiological process in the reproductive cycle of a girl is factored with so many taboos, fallacies. Proscription on food, free movement, confinement at home in a room, even not allowed to enter kitchen, free choice of attire (not allowed to wear certain colored dresses), restriction in mingling with cousins, friends of the opposite sex, social exclusion, in certain culture practice of observing the event with a great ostentatious display by calling relatives, friends, neighbors, perhaps to show that girl is ready for marriage. Many believe women are impure those menstruating days, they are not allowed to touch bed, plants, certain food item, and reason that their touch would spoil things. People strongly believe that menstrual blood is impure, that comes out of women body. 

Menstruation is rarely a conversation subject, especially in front of males even if, he is a father, brother, a good friend. Mothers also hesitate and feel embarrassed to talk on this with their adolescent girls as it has connection with sex and reproduction. Many Girls are not that lucky as I was, whose father used to get sanitary napkins of her choice, used to discuss my cramp problems, used to do massage to comfort me, get medicine for me, with whom I used to discuss openly on my embarrassment on blood strain, asked him to check if my dress in back is alright.   
   

Cultural practices and taboos around menstruation makes women life difficult. Many of such prohibitions reinforce gender discrimination and exclusion.  Many prevailing taboos make the menstrual hygiene more difficult, certain practices creates challenges for maintaining menstrual hygiene.

A girl facing a physiological change, even sometimes the emotional mood changes due to changing hormones, needs to be dealt with empathy and not by banishment. She needs support to deal the change in life. She needs to know what is happening in her body, which is a natural, normal process nothing offending, nothing embarrassing. Many prevailing taboos makes a girl life difficult and limit their freedom. Strongly believe solution is to break the silence, speak openly on menstruation, how important is to maintain hygiene, menstrual blood is not impure, the milk that we (hindus) consider pure and pour on Lord Shiva, use for many religious practices get soiled with the growth of bacteria in it, so as any blood, Menstrual blood stinks as soon as bacteria grows. It’s important to critically think on the practices unlike just adopting and making children’s life hell. Dealing menstruation is not just knowing the physiology, science of hygiene but more of a life skill to deal with such glitches of life.

Last Meet with Dr. Dinanath Pathi Sir

Wish I could have met you Sir that day on 30th June 16

In recent past I was busy in developing a document in a printing press, where I, met Dr. Dinanath Pathi Sir. Physically so fit, smart, active, enthusiastic, friendly and inspiring personality ... I surely heard of such a great personality but it was for the first time I interacted so closely with him.

Hectic schedule, long hours of work, meeting the time line, editing of the document, and late evening work at press... but it was so good to meet and chat with Sir that week. He was busy developing a document for his trip to Malesia, which was scheduled during mid July.

We had lots of discussion in between .., on present politics, various programs, our work, his auto biography that I was really interested to listen from him...

He asked: Are u coming press tomorrow? I will get my auto-biography book for you. I expressed my inability, as the next day was the day of release of the book and had to attend a State Level function. His response was don’t worry I will leave a copy with Jyoti, you collect from him. He left the press early and gave me his number asking me to be in touch.

It was shocking to hear today just two months later, that noted painter and intellectual Dr. Dinanath Pathi is no more. Feel so bad... I searched for your number and realised.
My deepest prayer for you Sir.
Rest in Peace. Regards

29/08/16

Plight of a mentally ill homeless

Way back in 1989 my mother got posted in Kendrapara a small town in Odisha, India. She continued to be there perhaps till 1994. During her five years stays in Kendrapara, I was associated with the town and a frequent visitor. I remember a young mentally ill lady roaming here and there in kedrapara. Many a times, she visited near our house at Madhavpur asking for food. As mentally ill and unwanted by her family she was a homeless. Now I can only faintly recall her face but do remember, as an adolescent girl the mental stress that I was getting by seeing her carrying a baby inside her several times in those years.

What a plight!

Since those times whenever I see a mentally sick person roaming around the city, I remember her and fell apologetic of being a helpless citizen not having the courage to do something for such a needy. I always salute her or any other girl who possesses the courage to face this merciless society without any blanket of protection in life. For them their fight for life practically includes fighting life with the alcoholics, criminals, anti social elements and many a times even sexually harassed, behind the screen by so called gentleman of this society.

Mental illness disrupts people’s ability to carry out self care the most essential aspects of daily life, how they bear such other risks of life? Their courage, fortitude, guts to survive on the street is commendable. Being a homeless, over and above being a mentally ill homeless is worst thing that can happen to anyone in life.

Can a psychiatric hospitalization be able to help them?

Does a homeless shelter can effectively protects and cares for those needy?

What can we (Government, Civil Society, Citizens) collectively do something for a mentally ill sans companion, guardian, protector and basic minimum shelter?

Friends kindly suggest.

Gift for not obeying

At times an illustration brings back unforgettable childhood memories. Few days back posting of a half pedal cycling photo by one of my friend in face book took me back of my experience of learning cycle. After my 5th standard scholarship exam, I was fascinated to learn cycle by seeing some guys in our colony learning the same. I thought of learning cycle without telling my MOM and Bapa (father) with an anticipation of disapproval. My mom was busy with her research work and almost every day out for more than 10 hours to pursue her PhD. There was a strict instruction for me not to go out and sleep in the afternoon as I used to be alone at home. Me consistently not following her instruction on the boring afternoon siesta. We had a “Ralley cycle”, at home and the broad open ground near our VSS Nagar GL house at Bhubaneswar tempted me at all time to go out for learning cycle. I learnt it by my own as usual most of us learn by “half pedal”. I used to be at home clean, fresh, sparkling and contended before my Mom’s usual time to reach home for refreshment. One day I was caught by my Mom while riding the cycle as that day she came back quite early. I was horrified of my guilt of disobeying but got a reverse response from Mom quite unanticipated. Next study session I got a BSA SLR cycle as a gift. That might be the Best Gift for me - a girl who always wanted to fly than ride J Love if Swayam (my son) gives me identical surprises when he grows up. I will follow the same legacy of gifting for not obeying me for a good cause. Trust God will take care of him.

Philanthropy has no Boundary

An article ”Old age a boon or curse” in Samaj, (Odia Daily) in last Saturday, reminded me of my visit to a slum last month. Purpose was mainly to interact with the members of Mahila Arogya Samiti (women group) of a slum in Bhubaneswar. It was good to hear about their work, interest and knowledge on many health issues-immunization schedules, ANC, PNC check up, first aid, knowledge and practice on importance of safe water, improved sanitation, hygiene practices etc.

I got introduced with a septuagenarian Sumitra Nayak. A graceful lady carries smile in her face, one can feel the contentment in her. She is basically from northern part of Odisha and migrated long back to Bhubaneswar and has settled down in the same slum.  Her husband died in early days, son got some mental health problem and left home long years back and never returned. Three/ two (don’t remember) daughters all married and settled in other cities. She stays alone and meets her ends with the old age pension and by doing domestic work.

While questioning what satisfies you being in a women group, giving time for others, at times compromising your own work she replied it’s of immense pleasure to help others. I asked can you share one such incidence. She narrated and I was really impressed and inspired. 

“One of the inmates in our slum got Tuberculosis; he stays with his wife and two children. We MAS members took him to Capital Hospital, Bhubaneswar. From there they referred him to Chandpur TB Hospital at Jatani (around 30 KM from Bhubaneswar). His wife was not in a position to attend him in hospital for a long uncertain period, as she had to go for work and take care of two children. Principally she cannot afford to lose her earning for two months, so I attended him at Chandpur Hospital in Jatani and with doctor’s advice we came back home after two months.” Finally she told "the couple was in need and I was alone, so thought of giving time for a good cause".

I felt like touching her feet. I gave her a hug and asked to take a snap with her along with the group. I could feel her joy by getting my appreciative embrace and special attention but I was really moved by her act.  I returned office remembering and discussing about her with one of my colleague. In a society where many are not willing to take care of their own people even parents, just look at the old lady when she needs extra care she takes care of others in neighborhood that to attending a TB patient. As all of us know even today people hesitate to mingle with TB patients and even patients do not disclose the disease with a fear of being ostracized.

Truly you make your life graceful, rewarding, and satisfying, it’s all about attitude. Philanthropy is all about attitude and has no limit.

Salute to her and all such poor women working for good cause in their community.

Have a good day!